Donbovawitthegunma Outback Broadcasting Network

 

 

Friday 24th August 2007

Volume 20, No. 20

DISAPPEARANCE OF EXECUTIONER STILL A MYSTERY

The mystery of the sudden disappearance of the State's Executioner, the Grey Mauser, and his partner in crime, Ze Pink Passionfruit, has deepened

Rumors abound, including many alleging that Ze Pink Passionfruit, herself, was instrumental in disposing of the Executioner and has assumed another identity and may be hiding out amongst the Wombat worshippers.

Other stories circulating report that the Grey Mauser was caught "ratting" at the opal mines in Cooper Pedy and dropped down a mine-shaft and that, when Ze Pink Passionfruit made the discovery about his demise, she absconded with his their fortune in the company of a young one-armed bandit.

More rumors have spread that the Grey Mauser was taken out by a Killer Emu. Mr. Max Murphy, representative of the Sheriff's department said: "That during our investigation of a missing search party and the field investigation party (compiling of three Australian Wildlife Officers) who they were originally sent out to search for, several human remains were discovered which are believed to be those of the Executioner ... the remains have been sent to Adelaide for analysis."

Mr. Murphy went on to say: "That both his brother, Mikey and humself, categorically deny any involvement in the Grey Mauser's disappearance."

Our magnificent ruler took this opportunity to announce last edition of the pending sales of the Executioner's abode and the Grey Mauser Funeral Home and Cemetery. Visitor's to the Photo Gallery will notice the newly erected FOR SALE signs.

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SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

Well ... it is official ... Santa Claus AKA Saint Nicolas AKA Kris Kringle is considering EMIGRATING to The Sovereign State of DONBOVAWITTHEGUNMA.

Santa recieved his Citizenship Certificate today ... with a HoHoHo (name of Stripper we sent to deliver it to him) ... Missus Claus was not impressed.

When asked why he is considering moving to our fair State, the jovial old fella said:

"Well with the Global Warming the ice caps are melting and the North pole is getting a little water logged ... and with all the chaos in the world and nasty politics it is getting hard to work out who has been naughty or who has been good ... also, when you consider that your great new country and township is slap bang right in the middle of two Uranium mines and a radioactive piece of turf it is flamin' unlikely that some terrorist will drop a bomb there ...

On top of all that I hear the food is good ... and the local birds are easy."

It is advised that until further notice to continue sending all mail to SANTA to his address at the North Pole whilst we arrange a redirect with Australian Post (and we all know how friggin' hard it is for them to get something right).

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Santa Claus

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POLLIES HIT THE PUB

Two politicians wandered into DONBOVAWITTHEGUNMA today on the Campaign trail. I won't mention any names ... CRIKEY ..don't want to be promoting the Pollies?

Anywho, seems on their way through our great Sovereign State on the way down to Adelaide they decided to pop in and have a beer or two at the Cosy Kangaroo.

Seems they picked up a stray Cattle Dog on the way into the township and were also enquiring who owned the Mongrel.

The two Pollies walked into the pub followed by the cattle dog ... which jumped up on a bar stool. One of the pollies order a couple of beers for him and his mate and grabbed a bowl and filled it with water so the clever dog could have a drink.

Word spread that they were in the pub ... and one by one some of the locals came in to check out the two dignitries and their dog ... as they came in and looked the two pollies up and down, they stopped and lifted up the cattle dog's tail and look at the dog's bum and shaking their heads walked away...

This went on nearly all day ...

Most of the citizens of the Town and the State came in to check out the two pollies and the cattle dog ... and everyone lifted the cattle dog's tail and looked at it's bum.

Finally, one of the pollies ...the short one with glasses ... asked the barman ... Mikey Murphy ... why the locals kept lifting the cattle dog's tail and looking at it's bum ...

Mikey said:

"Seems someone spread the word that there was a Cattle Dog in the pub ....

WITH TWO ARSEHOLES!"

The Clever Cattle Dog

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EMPEROR SHUNNED BY PREMIER

Our Beloved Emperor Wazzup Nowdown has been shunned on three occassions by the South Australian Premier, Mike Rann.

Continual request before and after the 20th July, for the premier to ADD the Emperor to his My Space friends list have been met with only silence.

Emails and letters sent to the premier's office have been returned, marked as "SPAM" and requests made to meet with the Emperor on several of his most recent sojourns to Adelaide have came and gone without responses.

"It is a bit thick," said His Royal Decadence, "I have notable, honorable and illustrious dignitries such as Gough Whitlam, Paul Keating, Bob Hawke, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Bob Brown, Chloe Fox, Alexander Downer, Clare Martin, Stephen Conroy, Wayne Swan, Warren Snowdon, Gareth Evans, Peter Beattie, Maxine McKew, Greg Combet, Bob Day etc on my friends' list but Mr. Rann deems me unworthy to be added to his friends' list."

"Crikey," said Emperor Nowdown, "I bet if Martin Hamilton-Smith had a My Space page he would add me. You'd bloody well think that he would at least acknowledge some of my many messages.

DOB STILL ON THE AIR With DJ Smithie

THE TRUTH ABOUT WORK CHOICES   * As reported on Uncyclopedia * Australia's Prime Minster John Howard's plan to motivate workers. Australian workers are known for taking weekends and leaves, joining unions and strikes, and a multitude of other totally unacceptable behaviours, which put tremendous pressure on the rich and corporate giants. WorkChoices offer a series of choices to employees so that they will work as hard as their employers expect. As mentioned, WorkChoices introduce a series of choices to employees as means of motivation. These include: 1. the choice between work and family, 2. the choice between work and weekend barbies, 3. the choice of working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4. the choice of having a shrinking minimum wage, 5. the choice of finding a new job after joining a strike, 6. the choice of being forced to sign an Australian Workplace Agreement (AWA), and 7. the extremely unappealing choice of voting Kim Beazley* to get the new legislations repealed. *Contrary to popular belief, Kim Beazley IS in fact a girl. It is a common myth that he is an overweight man with a girl's name. * Fortunately, Australians no longer must face this unappealing choice, as Labor Party leader Kevin Rudd (b. 7331 BB) recently, during a party leadership challenge, accidentally devoured Beazley. There have also been rumours that his pet dog, Nibbles, had also been eaten, but these are as of yet unsubstantiated. Source: Uncyclopedia

CITIZEN OF THE MONTH

The Donbovawitthegunma Breaking News is proud to Support the following eminent Citizen:

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The majority of the citizens of Donbovawitthegunma are extremely Anti-Uranium minded, however our glorious Emperor and our illustrious Sheriff are both of the agreed opinion, that if a "buck" can be made out of the current Federal and State political decision on Uranium Mining in South Australia, then all business and corporate opportunities should be considered. As Donbovawitthegunma is located 'slap-bang' in the middle of Maralinga, Olympic Dam and Beverley, environmental safeguards have been long established to monitor the potential risk of long-term exposure. The most current scientific research * show this is minimal. With the ongoing support of our own Scientific Community of eminent scientists who have emigrated to our fair Sovereign State and the approval of the Emperor Wazzup Nowdown, stage two of the project has been launched and the following business opportunities are now available for tender. Full Feature Here Work Vacancies

 

Are YOU a DIFFICULT Person?

YOU COULD END UP HERE!

Rudd Strip Club Visit OPPOSITION Leader Kevin Rudd says he's never claimed to be "Captain Perfect", and his decision to visit a New York strip club is the kind of mistake blokes make. He may be right, because today a number of his blokey colleagues, and one woman, admitted they had seen strippers. It was revealed yesterday that Mr Rudd visited Scores gentlemen's club in Manhattan in 2003 with fellow Labor MP Warren Snowdon and New York Post editor Col Allan during a taxpayer-funded trip when he was opposition foreign affairs spokesman. Mr Rudd has apologised but said he has little recollection of what happened in the strip club, because he had had too much to drink. "I think any bloke who's honest about their lives can point to times in their lives when they've got it wrong," Mr Rudd said today. "I've done that, but can I say the attitude of the Australian community, their evaluation of me, that's a matter for them and I accept their judgment. "I have never tried to present myself as Captain Perfect - I'm not, never have been. Captain Morality or anything like that - I'm not, never have been and we all make mistakes and I've made one here." Mr Rudd said he had been embarrassed by the revelation but he and Mr Snowdon had no recollection of any inappropriate behaviour and he had apologised to his wife after the incident. Source: NEWS.COM.AU

OUR VIEW Kevin Rudd (leader of the Labor party) went to a Strip Club in 2003 .... CRIKEY ... I mean whats the flamin' BIG Deal? It's not as if He had dinner with one of the strippers or even the owner of the Club ... Remember the Australian Prime Minister John Howard had Dinner with a Porn King incident ... BUGGA ME! Talk about Guttter Politics ... Both the Prime Minister and Mr. Rudd are devote Christians ... well any Christians who let their vote be influenced by such a discovery as Mr. Rudd's little "error of judgement" is a Hypocrite and not worth their salt ..."let he who is without sin cast the first stone" ..."judge ye not less ye be judged" ... Who cares ...REALLY ... WHO FRIGGIN" CARES ...that Mr. Rudd has proven that he is Human? That Prime Minister Howard had dinner with a Porn King and possibly several Porn Stars who accompanied the man? Who Cares that Alexander Downer may be a Transvestite/ Cross-dresser (remeber the fishnet stockings incident)? Is our politics stooping the ways of the Americans? Remember, Bill Clinton did not have a sexual relationship with that CIGAR! Crikey ...it's enough to put ya off goin' to the local ... I mean our Topless Waitresses at the Cosy Kangaroo would be hoppin' mad! WHO FRIGGIN' REALLY CARES?

Donbovawitthegunma Loves Strippers